disconnected

they all saw it. everyone that matters. in one fell swoop it was obvious.
i should've gotten a pedicure instead.

my kids are learning cursive, starting to come down with a cold, working on a MAJOR government project and applying to college. and i wait for them to go to bed each night, so i can leave.

bruises everywhere. pretend choke. i looked up from all the change spilled in my floorboard and he was standing there, with the garage door open, staring at me. it was like that dream where you're at school and you get called to go up to the chalkboard, and you realize you aren't wearing pants. it was just like that. same feeling.

he feels disconnected. he also finally put a name on what i've been feeling.

so much work to do, but on the porch, in gym shorts, with goosebumps and a cup of coffee, writing. these toxins need to be let out, though, written down, in the hopes that for the rest of the day i may feel silightly less disconnected.
randy hill, paul thorn and gumbo tonight.
no button down shirt today. first time in a few weeks.

jarrod gets it all. every bit of it. shoulda done it yesterday.
shoulda gotten a pedicure.

i swear the door was closed when i got IN the shower...
open doors, closed doors....how'd they open...
the  faucet knobs keep shocking us. max says it feels like his "blood is jumping"

if my racket had strings. the ball would be in his court.